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carnival knowledge

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8 years later [03 Dec 2013|06:45pm]
In the off chance that someone will read this
I hurt my back very bad last night. I fell backwards on a protruding piece of pavement. My back is very fucked. The chiro was a little help but I think I will have some difficult days here. It's amazing how your consciousness changes when you fuck yourself up bad. Everything is slow and painful. You get down. That is why the good lord made natural pain meds which help you forget a little anyway.

Before that things were going kind of OK, projects and relationships majority working. If you are there please someone give me a little prayer because I am afraid.
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[12 Jun 2005|08:19am]
Friday was a nice hot day and I needed to get out so I got my bike and leisurely pedaled towards a yard sale R had already been to. She said there was a computer there. I took my time getting there, enjoying the breeze and all. The puter was already gone so I kept going, sort of to this other yard sale farther away. I kept thinking I wouldn't go there but just kept going and arrived. They had a bunch of junk I wasn't interested in but then I saw this relatively new printer and after examining it for quite a while I figured out that it might be quite serviceable and only cost a buck. The yard sale lady who was sitting there with her daughter was nice and kept laughing at everything everybody said. She was actually pretty young to own such a nice house. Maybe she was actually another daughter. After while a guy came home who I guess was her husband or brother and he called her "Veronica" which really blew me away a little because that was the name of the first woman/girl I ever lived with way back in Chicago in the 70's and I still have dreams about her a lot. So I bought the printer but the next step was to get the sucker home. It was kind of heavy and I put in in a garbage sack and slung it over my shoulder. Getting on my bike was kind of wobbly at first but I shortly got the hang of it. It was a chore getting it all the way home but it didn't seem to hurt my bad back in all the usualy places. Turns out it messed up an entirely new part of my back so here it is Sunday and I am on the heating pad as usual after waking up with a pretty good muti-area backache. I just stood up and it feels better. I just finished downloading the driver for that printer. It will probably be out of ink or have some other glitch and I will have wasted a lot of time and my back on it. The funny part is I already have a perfectly good printer tho it is running out of ink and those cartriges are expensive. Always trying to squeeze a few more bucks out of the universe. Silly boy.
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[09 Jun 2005|07:00am]
I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to write here but
Yesterday was fun. Rode bikes around town with some of my young buds and then we came back to the house and they played or shall we say squawked and blatted on my clarinet and trumpet. Then they explored my bus and barn. Liked the loft. I think the little one has a lot of musical aptitude. Then back to the big one's house. I think his sister is a genius. Amazing artist at age 13 and actually practices her clarinet. During summer vacation! I'm going to have to give her some lessons. They all pretty much wore me out so I didn't do much the rest of the day except practice fiddle and clarinet. The trumpet has been really discouraging with all the lip problems. There was a cool documentary on Gene Kelly on PBS. My next life I may come back as a dancer. This life my back is way too fucked. Not so bad yesterday as I did nothing to strain it. Like having sex. That's right kiddies. The old man can't even have sex anymore. Boo hoo.
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[08 Jun 2005|06:40am]
Yesterday I had two daytime raccoon sightings which are unusual. I think it's the hot weather and they are used to getting water from the cats' dish. The second one came up to the porch while I was sitting on it playing the fiddle. He came to about 4 feet of me and then I stopped playing and put the dish closer to him, at which point he split. The cat's pay them very little mind and vice versa. Just the funny looking neighbors.
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[06 Jun 2005|05:13am]
I've been playing guitar and singing again after a 15 year hiatus. Here's the songs I'm working on:
Blackbird
Rocky Raccoon
Heart of Gold
In My Life
With a Little Help from my Friends
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[03 Jun 2005|04:32am]
I just had this tick walking down my screen and I thought it was some kind of animation.
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[01 Jun 2005|05:08am]
About ten in the morning or so I got a call from the Michigan Democratic party asking for money. The telemarketress was robotic in the extreme and doggedly unresponsive to my attemps at making a human connection. It made me laugh at just about everything she said. I evidently pissed her off as she didn't even say goodbye after I made my pledge so I called the Dem headquarters and complained, mentioning her by name, and proceeded to feel guilty about it all day.
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[30 May 2005|04:24am]
The big event of my day was watching some guys cut down a tall pine tree down the road. It looked quite dangerous but they did it pretty slickly and man did it womp the ground when it fell. My 11 year old self quite enjoyed it tho naturally my 53 year old self felt sorry for the tree. I have to get some limbs cut off the huge oaks in my front yard or they are going to come crashing on the house some night when I am watching King of the Hill reruns. Last night was TV bummer night. Started with a rendition of Titanic which I have never been able to watch all the way through. Then a thing on the Kennedy assassination and a holocaust thing to wrap up the evening. Surprisingly I had no trouble getting to sleep.
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[29 May 2005|04:59am]
Yesterday we went biking around town to look at yard sales etc. It was a beautiful day though a bit cool and everyone was so friendly. Maybe it's the 3-day weekend or something astrological. Stopped at one fairly scruffy sale. A drunk lady started yelling obscenities at me. It was just her way of being friendly. She gave R some old weird aluminum pot thing and a bunch of purple irises.

After servicing my humanure site in my garden I encountered my nemisis, the woodchuck who along with her progeny and greater clan has been destroying my gardens for the past twelve years or so. I've tried and considered many options but she's still chomping. Anyway she was hanging out on an old woodpile and pretty much let me slowly approach to within about 10 feet while I made clicking and whistling noises. She was kinda raggy looking and had blackflies buzzing all around her. She looked right at me a couple times and had that nobility most animals have. I hope I see her again. Probably won't try any nuclear options like traps, knives or guns on her now.
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[04 May 2005|04:39am]
Thing on the Holocaust last night. Saw it a few years ago. Made myself watch it. Why does our government allow this to happen again in Darfur and other places? If we stepped in like we did in Iraq it would end in days. Family values my ass.

After that it was a choice of watching how our planet is falling apart or a bio of Carl Rove. Coincidence?

Luckily after that on Letterman I got a chance to catch up on J-lo.
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[28 Apr 2005|05:34am]
Hasn't Bushie gotten weird since his (stolen) reelection? He's gone from stupid acting to plum nuts. Sometimes his speech is slurred like he's on some kind of drug. And then there's Laura, queen of the zombies. Saw her on Leno the other night with her new big hair and all, evil empress of the free world. I think she's taking the same drug as Dubya with some loopie juice for a chaser.
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[22 Apr 2005|06:02am]
As the garden develops it is becoming more of a party place. With the music on in the evening three of the cats came out to schmooze while I picked weeds. Ever since we moved here 13 years ago I've had trouble with woodchucks and raccoons eating up my garden. I caught some in a live trap but problem persisted to the point I even gave up gardening for 2 years. This year, bad back and all, I'm trying again, with some new tricks: wind chimes, hanging bottles of water and a radio. I think a pop station would be more effective but I can't stand to be broadcasting it to the neighborhood so I chose classical. I think actually only a couple houses will hear it since we are not closely packed. It felt strange to know that music is being wasted when I'm not listening. I also like to go outside and hear that almost absolute quiet late at night or early morning. So I turned it off before I went to bed. I have only a few spprouts up so far and chicken wire laid down to protect them from the cats so hopefully that will also deter varmints for now. I also moved compost out of the garden completely which could in itself solve the problem as I know it was heavily frequented or frequently heavilied.
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[19 Apr 2005|03:14am]
I've had a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I went to bed at 11:30 and woke up a couple hours later all fidgety. The previous 2 nights similar problems. I can't seem to sleep more than 3 or 4 hours at a time. Maybe it's the warm weather or all the sun I'm getting. I feel keyed up, expectant, like something big is going to happen this spring/summer. I watched this video of me playing clarinet 3 or 4 years ago. It was embarrassing to see all my idiosyncracies and quirkiness. I was thinking I should shave off my beard or even cut my hair. Now that I'm not driving anymore it seems like part of settling into my local environment, not being so different from everybody else. I'm confused. It's hard to believe I have so much trouble at my age figuring out who I am.

With the warm evenings I've been playing fiddle outside. It's fun. I feel like I'm interacting with my neighbors as I hear them doing their things. Sometimes I sound really good to myself. I haven't played clarinet in weeks, waiting for the pain to go away in my wrist. I don't really miss it.

R has been exploring our woods. It's only a few acres but she's never been in there before with her elecric wheelchair. I helped her make one path and she wants more. She has so many ideas about what to do with our property but I have trouble getting enthused.

I've been working in the garden almost every day, preparing beds, planting, clearing brush. My veggies are coming up. The leaves on trees are sprouting. Soon people will be mowing their lawns. It's been so dry here but I don't mind and neither do my allergies. I work til my back starts to hurt and then I go inside and compose for an hour or two. I've written 4 new pieces this year. I keep imagining that I'll be discovered and skyrocket to fame. I wonder if I'd like it though. Being anonymous is so relaxing even if it's kind of dull.
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[18 Apr 2005|06:19am]
The ants are marching. Through our kitchen. The big black ones. They are early this year, perhaps a portent of a hot summer. Last winter being mild might have had something to do with it. They're into everything so I have to seal things up. They hang out in the cats' water dish. Once in a while I have to fish one out before he/she drowns. They are a little annoying but I love them anyway. You just have to step more carefully.

I don't obsess too much about Jessica Simpson but last night I had a dream that I was newly married to her. She was so beautiful and I couldn't believe my luck. I kept petting and kissing her and she seemed to like it. R didn't seem to mind and pretty much accepted her although once when she was out of the room she called her a cheerleader. She was from Connecticut and Ionian stock. We were all traveling and when we got off the bus R had a lot of stuff for me to carry the two miles to where we were going. I wondered if Jessica could carry something. Then I woke up and was very sad that it was only a dream.
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[07 Apr 2005|06:08am]
I don't care for the daylight savings thing. Wasn't it started by some greedy industrialist trying to squeeze more work out of his minions? So I don't turn my clock back and I just stay on the same good old non-slave time. But since the change I can now catch the late night talk shows. Last night Conan and the new guy Craig Fergeson competed for my attention. Conan looks older, a little bloated around the gills and seems sort of tired with the same old schtik but still funny sometimes. Craig was interesting but so trying to please. I flipped back and forth. Had a hard time getting to sleep because of that bread and soymilk I ate at 11. Restless and dreamed I was hanging out with Janis Joplin and her band back in Frisco in the 60s. There were 3 women in the band, one older, one middle and one young. I felt bad because I knew that Janis would eventually kill herself with drugs and booze and she was already on the downhill swing and there was nothing I could do. Somebody arrived with some pot and I said that people should only tell funny jokes. A fat guy blew me some smoke and I started laughing because somebody said they were going to the "whole earth horse show."
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[03 Apr 2005|06:18am]
Another family tragedy thanks to the automobile. A cousin of R's bit it Wednesday. Fortunately(?) we had no relationship owing to his total indifference. Still there'll be lots of phone calls and some angst in the home.

I have to say I just can't get all that broken up about the pope. I mean he was an OK dude in his way although kind of out of touch on some important issues. I have the impression he was no environmentalist. Not many people are from that generation. Some of the things he said were cool like apologizing for Christians' treatment of Jews over the centuries and saying no to King Georgie's dirty little war. But what good is telling kids not to jerk off, rejecting contraception and dissing gays going to do while the whole planet goes into the toilet? If he was my pope he'd be telling people to quit eating meat and junk food and stop driving cars. Maybe he should also have been a bit firmer about his boys raping children and whatnot. All this media hype about him is to be expected although I find it disconcerting that in a week where a thousand and something scientists said our earth is going over the edge, the masters of manipulation are more into whining about the death by natural causes of an 84 year old man.
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[22 Mar 2005|05:41am]
Over to Bobs again to load some programs for him. I think he's really a good artist. R thinks he's kind of static. I'm somewhat surprised he makes no effort to sell his stuff but then he doesn't need the money and probably doesn't want the hassle. He also showed me his heat pump. Only cost him $50 to heat his house per month. Cool. I mean warm. He has a squat little Corgy-looking mongrel named Chica who is quite obese and very sweet. It was nice to get out of town and into the country for a change. The snow's gone now and we're waiting for spring. Bob said he saw a herd of 21 deer across the street from his place in a field last week.

Was looking through some old color slides of my family taken a few years before I was born. My folks, brother, aunts, uncle, grandma, cousin. Everybody looked so good in the California sunshine with pretty backdrops of SF, Yosemite, Santa Cruz, cool old cars. When I was a kid my brother always hassled me for attention but for four years before I came around he was the apple of everybody's eye. There's one great shot of my dad(who died in 2002) holding him in front of this serene view of the beach and ocean with lots of sail boats on it. I'd like to get it blown up and give it to him.
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[20 Mar 2005|05:47am]
A very grey and depressing day but the snow's gone and we're into the 40's so that's gravy. Watched Azcaban which was OK, some of a couple others. Played some guitar and fid though not too seriously. Ate, napped, surfed, cat herded. R talked on the phone and ate butter.
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[18 Mar 2005|06:30am]
Wow fiddle playing was lousy last night. So crappy. My wrist is hurting too.

Bob called. He got his new keyboard but it's still not working. Have to go over there again Monday.

Went to the library and store. Forgot to pay the water bill.

Here's my new piece. You can listen to it for free if you have Flash or Winamp. Feedback welcome.
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[17 Mar 2005|05:32am]
Slept all night but woke up kind of early and was draggin by noon with all kinds of crazy and pessimistic thoughts. Finally got R off the computer late in the afternoon so I could do some composing. Finished(I guess) that new piece and started another one.

In my deranged(?) state was thinking a lot about throwing responsiblity to the winds and packing up the bus and hitting the road. The Great American Dream. So after my after dinner nap I sat down at my word processor and started writing a story about a hippie dude who travels around in a converted schoolbus playing music at flea markets and art fairs. It was a lot of fun and I got 2 pages done. Maybe I'll share it with you at some point.

My fiddle playing rocked again. Wish I could practice more with these stiff old fingers and my wrist felt a little kinky this morning. At least I'm not deaf.

I am really not looking forward to being here another summer. This town seems so dead and stupid. Wish I could find some fun people or get the heck out.
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